My First Queer Festival and First Gay Pub experience..

Though I am not out of closet yet. I went to bangalore queer fest last weekend. On one side it was a nice experience keeping in mind that many faces which we have seen on sites came down to watch movies that were screened on the festival.I also saw those moros who literally have asked for one night stands whom I denied very openly by sending a reply of "sorry" or "Not interested". I also bumped into few whom I thought were decent guys initially and who turned out to be well known sluts. Well well ..that was all about who I saw. There were few godly faces in the crowd whom I considered feast for the eyes. I do not know why but I dont fantasize about them like the way I wish to and I think of them as some God's who should be literally given attention all the time. For a split second, I wished to be like them but then whats the point in being like that when you cannot enjoy your own beauty? :P There are certain advantages and disadvantages of being beautiful and handsome. YOu end up thinking that you can grab a hand over anything and sometimes out of greedy nature you do things which you do not wish to do. One more disadvantage is you cannot know whether a person has fallen for your looks or for you.

At the end of fest, it was announced that there is a disc arranged at a pub and I was having mixed feelings on deciding whether to go or not. I had no companion or any friend whom I knew with whom I can go to disc. There was this guy who had been giving a look to me from last two days whenever he passed by me, in festival. I did the same but my interest was in knowing the answers of my own curiosity which was to judge his feminity. He walked, talked and had gestures which were more inclined towards feminism and I dont like it. But there is a saying that " In critical times, we are obliged to make donkeys as father" and it was the same case here. As the factor of being complete strangers was a bit less in him , I asked him at the last moment if he was going to pub. I dont know how and why but he molded his plans in such a way that he could come with me. Though that was very strange, It was helping me in a way and I dint stop it from happening. We both went to the pub and my heartbeat was beating faster with curiosity of watching people out there.

 

We entered and I saw many couples there dancing so close like we see in movies. I had to say it to myself " just like the movies". Many danced so openly that I wondered whether the lifestyle of gays is all about having feminism. Well In a certain way, you ll most of them like that and best way of seeing it is on the dance floor. I cant judge myself much but looking at all of them, I had few embarassing moments. I came across a teen couple in which a gay probably a TOP was opening the buttons of his partner( probably a bottom) and was fingering many private parts in that darkness. In fact one couple were kissing each other standing in the corner. It all seemed like a secret sex party to me cuz all the straight parties were different from this scene.I was new to it and very first day I had this impression of everybody around me. I am really thinking that this thing I am thinking becomes a normal thing to me in some time because I think this is all that is about being gay.

The guy with whom I had entered to the disc and on the floor seemed to be dancing as if he was having his moments of pleasure and through out that period of dancing, I dint like or enjoy his company but he was there all for me. I was thinking I could switch the partner for that little moment of dancing to make my money worth. I liked a guy who was dancing just next to us. I kept staring at him at regular moments and he did the same. It could be a language of the eyes to tell that you are interested but then I kept waiting for him to approach me but he dint :( Atlast it was me who had to do that appraoching part. we were talking in specific moments though music was so load. Then he asked for my number and I gave it. Someone told me earlier to not make friends at pub but then I couldnt resist his smile and I did the first wrong thing of giving my no.

Later when I had almost reached my room, he called me and asked if I could stay with him that night. I realised how mean this world is. Is that all about? having sex? In the book language one night stand.. Getting involved is all in my control. Only that I have to be careful about when to say what and when to do what I should not. So that was my first gay pub experience. I wouldnt have mind if a sensible guy comes to me, and has a conversation for an hour and says bye with a tender kiss on my cheeks but then this is all that my fantasy world can only offer me.I cannot expect a warm hug from anybody when everybody comes with a price tag of sleeping with you.